Police – Knock Knock
Sandy – Who is it?
Police – Police, open the Door
Sandy – What do you want?
Police – We need To Talk
Sandy – How many are you?
Police – Two
Sandy – Then Talk to each other…

Bahen ki Bidai par chota bhai bola
Papa, Didi ro rahi hai lekin Jiju
to nahi ro rahe…
Papa – Beta Didi Gate tak Roegi bas…par Jiju apni Kabr tak Roega…

***********

Wife – RAEES Dekhne chalein?
Husband – Sorry, Main us KAABIL nahi,

Wife – To KAABIL chalein?
Husband – Main Utna RAEES nahi…
……..
Baad Main Ghar Main Bacchon ne DANGAL Dekha..

***********

< Husband और Wife दोनों Market गए
तो एक लड़की ने hello किया…..
–
Wife – कौन थी वो……….
–
Husband – अब तुम प्लीज् दिमाग खराब मत करो
अभी उसको भी बताना है की तुम कौन हो ….

***********

Yogesh ne Apni Shadi ki Anniversary Par Apni Patni se pucha:
Yogesh – Apni Sadi ko 5 years ho gaye hain tumko Sexx ka sabse
jayada Maja kis din aaya??
Biwi ne Sarmate hue Jawab diya – “Ji us din…jab aap Ludhiana gaye hue the…

***********

Ek Ladki ko kya chahiye??

Ek Ladki Apne Boy Friend ke Sath Ghoom Rahi thi…
–
Itne main Uska
Husband Aa gaya aur uske Boy Friend Ko Maarne laga…
Ladki – Maar Saale Ko
Apni biwi Ghumaata nahi hai,
Aur dusro
ki biwi Gumaane le aata hai…
–
(itne me Boy Friend josh me
husband ko marne laga)
–
Ladki – Maar saale Ko, na khud
Ghumaane le jata hai,
na kisi aur ko Ghumaane deta hai…

***********

Husband Aur Wife ka Payar
Wife – Tum Mujhse kitna pyar karte ho
Husband – Sahjah se bhi jayada
Wife – To tum bhi mere marne ke baad Taj Mahal banwaooge?
Husband – Yar main to Plot bhi le chuka hu, Pagli der to tu hi kar rahi hai…

***********

Teacher – kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Santa – Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Teacher – kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Santa – Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi

***********

Darling aaj sunday hai – Sunday Masti

Pati : Darling aaj sunday hai to soch raha hu ki thoda Enjoy kiya jae…
Patni : Achhha Idea hai
Pati : PVR main mast Movie chal rahi hai, isliye main evening show ke 3 Ticket laya hu…
Patni : 3 kis liye ?
–
–
–
Pati : Tumhare liye aur Tumhare Mammy Papa ke liye….

***********

Purani Kahawat hai…
Sote Waqt koi Tension Le kar nahi Sona chahiye
–
–
–
Fir Bhi
–
–
–
Pata Nahi
–
–
–
–
Log apne sath Wife (Patni) ko Lekar kyu sote hain

***********

Husband Wife Jokes or Chutkule
Wife : Tumne Mujhe Shadi se pahle Qu Nahi btaya ki tumhari Pahle se hi RANI naam ki wife hai…
Hussband : Maine Shadi se pahle bataya to tha ki main tumhe RANI ki tarah rakhunga.

***********

Sasur ji ne Bahu ko Towel main dekha
Wife: Aaj Main TOWEL mein thi aur
Sasur ji aa gaye
Husband : Fir tumne kya kiya??
wife : Jo rozana karti hu,
TOWEL ko khol ke GHUNGHAT BaNa
LIYA,

kuch sanskar mujhme bhi hain na…

***********

Ek Bhikhari ne Awaaz lagayi – Babu ji roti
Milegi??.
–
–
Andar se Awaz aai – Biwi ghar par nahi hai..
–
–
–
Bhikhari – Chumma nahi maanga saale, Roti
to tu bhi de sakta hai…

**********

Wife – “Mujhe Lagta Hai Aap Ka
“Ankita” Ke Sath Najayaz Sambandh
Hai”
–
–
Husband Hairani Se – “Ye Tum Kaise Keh Sakti Ho” ?
–
–
Wife – “Kal Jab Uske Husband Mujhe Milne Aaye To
Us Ne App Ka Underwear Pehan Rakha Tha”

**********

**********

Class Main Bahut Shor Ho Raha Tha, Aur Koi Teacher Bhi Nahi Tha..
Shor Ko Sunte Hue Principal Class Main Aayi Aur Gusse Se Boli
Principal – “Kis Ka Period Chal Raha Hai“
Aur Sharmate Hue 6 Ladkiya Khadi Ho Gayi..

**********

Wife – Kuch Saal Pahle Mera Figure PEPSI ki Bottal ki jaisa tha..
Husband – Are wo to Abhi bhi hai..
Wife – sach??
Husband – Pahle Bottle 300ML ki thi aur
Ab
2-Litre ki hai…

**********

Mast wala Pati Patni Jokes
Ek Din Pati Apni Patni Se Bola
Darling Kya Program Hai??
Patni – Abhi nahi, Munaa So Jaaye Phir Karna Jo Karna Hai.
Pati ne thodi der baad pucha Munna so gaya kya
Patni – Nahin abhi Nahi soya
Pati Ne Phir Thodi Der Baad Poochha So gaya Kya?
Bacchha Ye Sab Sun Raha tha aur achanak se bola
Munna – Jiski Maa CHUUDNEE Wali Ho Use Neend Kaise Aa Sakti Hai.

**********

Husband to Wife
Tu kahe to chaand taare tod du,
Tu kahe to band darwaje khol du,
Tu kahe to yeh duniya chhod du,
Tu ek baar haske to dekh meri Jaan,
Tere saare gande daanton ko tod du.