अजीब उलझन है गालिब!
वो कहती है, पीना छोडो तुम्हें मेरी कसम,
–
दोस्त कहते हैं पीना पडेगा साले तूझे भाभी जी की कसम!

**********

बिल्ली के रास्ता काटने पर कुछ लोग ऐसे रुक जाते हैं
.
.
.
जैसे होटल ताज का ही सौदा करने जा रहे हों !!!!

**********

बस स्टैंड पर एक लड़की खड़ी थी. उसके सामने से मोटरसाइकिल पर एक लड़का निकला. वह लड़का थोड़ा आगे जाकर वापिस लौटा और
लड़की से पूछा – पहचाना?
–
–
लड़की – नहीं तो
लड़का – अरे! अभी तो तेरे सामने से निकला था

**********

टीचर — एक टोकरी में 10 आम थे
3 सड़ गए तो कितने आम रहे।
छात्र — 10
टीचर — वह कैसे?
छात्र— जो सड़ गए वो भी तो आम ही रहेंगे। सड़ने से केले थोड़ी बन जायेंगे।
वह छात्र आज वकील है

**********

एक बच्चा अपनी माँ से बुरी तरह पिटने के बाद, अपने पापा से पूछा
आप कभी पाकिस्तान गए हो ?
पापा : नहीं बेटा …..
बेटा: कभी अफगानिस्तान गए हो ?
पापा : नहीं बेटा.
.
.
.
.
.
बेटा : तो फिर यह आतंकवादी आइटम
कहाँ से लाये ?????

संता – 14 फरवरी को क्या होता है?

बंता – तेरे पास बीबी है या गर्लफ्रेंड?

संता – बीबी …

बंता – तो फिर महावीर जयंती है…!

***********

< दो आदमी आपस में बात कर रहे थे 😳😳 एक आदमी बोला – मैंने अपनी वाईफ को 12 वी पास करवाई, फिर, बी. ए,
फिर एम .ए, और उसकी सरकारी जॉब लगवा दी,
अब क्या करू? . . . . . .

दूसरा आदमी बोला – तू तो बाप से बढ़कर है, अब अच्छा लड़का देख कर उसकी शादी कर दे !

***********

Ek bande Ne Ek Function Orgnize Kiya..
Usne Dekha Ki Invitation Se Zyada Log Aaye Hai..
Wo Stage Par Gaya Aur Bola..
Jo Jo Ladki Walon Ki Taraf Se Wo Idher Ek side Me Aa Jaye..
10-15 log Aa Gye Ek Taraf…
Phir usne Bola Ki Jo Ladke Walon Ki Taraf Se Hain Wo Bhi Udher Aa jaye.
10-15 Log Phir Aa Gye…
Ab usne Ek Danda Le Ke Un Sab ko (ladki wale plus ladke wale) ko bhagaya
aur kaha Kamino Ye Sharma ji ki retirement Party hai….

***********

Wife Pati Ko Maar Rahi Thi…Mast Jokes for Whatsapp

Padosi – Kyu Maar Rahi Ho is Bechare Pati Ko??
Patni – Koi Bechara Nahi Hai, Inko Call Kiya To Ek Ladki Boli,
“Aap Hamare Jis Grahak Se Sampark Karna Chahate Ho, Wo Abhi Vyast Hai !!!

***********

Sadi ke 12 saal baad bhi agar biwi aap par sak kare to naraj mat hona…
balki socho aap aaj bhi itne fit, handsome, smart aur kabil hain ki kisi ko bhi pata sakte hain.

***********

10 saal ka Chota bunty..
Sheela bhabi aur ek ladke Ko Sex Karte Huwe Dekh Leta Hai..
Bunty – “Mujhe Bhi Karne Do…Warna aap ke husband Ko Bata Dunga..!”
Sheela bhabi – thik hai aa jao tum bhi Kar Lo..
Bunty Kaafi Try Karta Hai Par Uska Khada Hi Nahi Hota..
Bunty (Chaddi Pahente Huwe) – “Duniyadari Ki Maa Ka Bhhosda…
Jo Galat Hai Wo Galat Hai…Main to Bataaunga…

***********

American Ki Soch – Hum Chaand Par To Paunch Gaye, Ab Next Kya Karna Hai?
Chinese Ki Soch – Hum 90% Duniya Ki Market Pe Raj Kar Rahe Hain, Ab Baki Par Kaise Karein?
Aur Indian Ki Soch – Aaj 12 Baje Light Gayi To 2 Baje Aayi Thi, Uske baad 4 Baje Gayi To 6 Baje Aayi,
To Iska Matlab Hai Ke Ab 8 Baje Jayegi. Ooooooye..“Fata Fat Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Lo.

***********

Ek jungle main male janwar female janwar ko 24 ghante chhodte rahte the!
Saari female mil ke Bhagwan ke paas gai
or vardan manga ki kam se kam 1 mahiney ke liye chudaaii se mukti mile!
Bhagwan ne SAB male janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko coupon de diye
or bole ki 1 mahiney ke baad coupon lana or apna londaa le jana!
Sham ke time 1 Bandar ped par baitha tha.
Bandriya ne usey chedtey hue kaha
Chhod saale, bhenchhod! Ab chhod na mujhe???
Bandar kuch ni bola??
Bandriya phir boli “Chhod na Bhadve, chhod na behen ke lauude”??
Bandar ne ek choti si smile di
or bola: “1 mahina ruk ja! Bhen ki Laaudi. Teri Maa Chhodd dunga.
Maine Ghode ka coupon chura liya hai..??
??

***********

Teacher – why are you laughing alone.
Tell us the joke so that whole class can laugh.
Student – Sir ye aapko lodu bol rahaa hai??

***********

A couple went to a Saxx Therapist office at a BIG Corporate Hospital.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us having saxx, for your expert analysis?
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said,
“There’s nothing wrong with the way you have, “and charged them Rs.1300.
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an appointment, have everything with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “exactly what are you trying to find out?
“The man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything.
She’s married and we can’t go to her house I’m married and we can’t go to my house.
The Oberoi charges Rs. 15000,
Taj charges Rs. 14000,
Le Meridian charges Rs.12500.
We do it here for Rs.1300,
Punch line is yet to come…..
And I get that 1300, back from MediClaim.

***********

Height of prank call??????
Hello pooja hai…???
Nahi…????
To karvalo… Jai Mata Di !!!!??????

***********

Popular Whatsapp Jokes – Height of irritating someone

:
Boy – pen hai??
Girl – nahi..
Thodi der baad..
Boy – pen hai??
Girl – nahi hai bola na..
Boy – pen hai pen ??
Girl – nahi hai kaminey, aur abki bar pucha to hathode se sar phod dungi
Kuch der baad…
Boy – hathoda hai kya..???
Girl – nahi..
Boy – accha.. to phir pen hai pen..???..????

***********

A guy calls an unknown number..
Guy – Fridge hai?
Reply – Haan hai.
Guy – Chalta hai?
Reply – Haan chalta hai..
Guy – To pakad ke rakhna, warna bhaag jaayega..
And he hangs up.. After a while, he calls up again..
Guy – Fridge hai?
This time the person’s really angry.
Reply – Nahi hai.
Guy – Kahaan se hoga..
Bola tha na pakad ke rakhna varna bhaag jaayega..????

***********

Heart melting love story:
Boy – I can’t marry u.
My family is totally against it.
Girl – Who are they 2 stop u?
Boy: My wife & 2 kids…

***********

Doctor – Kaise aana hua?
Patient – Doctor saab tabiyat theek nahi hain
Doctor – Sharab peete ho?
Patient – Peeta to hoon, par chhota peg hi banana. I’m not feeling well !??

***********

One more Height of prank call.

Hello Popatlal hai?
Nahi….
Hang up After some time again????
Hello Popatlal hai???
Bola na nahi hai….
Hang up And again????
Hello Popatlal hai???
Nahi hai mere baap….
Hang up And one more time????
Hello Popatlal hai???
haan hai bol, kya chahiye??
chal hat…..jhut mat bol, …….Popat green hota hai..Lal nahi….

***********

Ek bar ek udas Bandar marne ko gaya.
To jate jate usne sote hue Sher ki Gand main ungli dal di.
Sher utha aur gusse se dahada – “kisne kiya ye..
Kisne apni maut bulayi hai.
Bandar bola – “Main hu maharaaj.
Sher ne pucha – “ye krte hue tumhe kisi ne dekha.?
Bandar – “Nahi, Maharaj.
Sher – ok, To ek bar aur karo aacha lagta hai.

Moral – Akele Reh-Reh Kar Jungle Ka Raja Bhi Gandu Ho Jaata Hai, So Keep In Touch With Friends…

***********

man was watching a DVD at home..
and jor jor se cheekhne laga…..?Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!?
Ghode par se mat utar..
Pagal mat utar.. Its a trap!! Its a trap!!
Kutte ki maut Marega? saale..
Wife – Kya dekh rahe ho??
Man – Our wedding DVD!!

***********

Ladki wale Whatsapp Jokes or Chutkule

Girl – dotted condom dijiye.
Dukanwale ne diya…
Girl – isse jyada dotted chahiye.
Duknwale ne diya…
Girl – isse jyada dotted condom ho to dijiye…
Dukanwala – Bhutta use kijiye madam Bhutta !!! Season bhi hai…

***********

Santa – Jaanu, tu mujhe din main Sardarji keh ke bulati hai
aur Raat ko sex ke time Gyani ji
Aisa Q?
Wife – Bewakuf Raat ko Gyani ji nahi ‘GAYA-NAHI-JI’ Kehti hu

***********

to be continue

Leave your Jokes in comment box to get live on the blog